As I mentioned in the previous post there has been a lot of stuff on my mind lately. This whole year so far has felt really messy to me. I constantly kept getting sick, I wasn’t able to stay positive or motivated for long enough to get back into a good healthy eating plan, I wasn’t able to run very much because of my throat, whenever I felt like things were going right I would get sick again. Then I finally had surgery. The time after I got my tonsils removed I obviously wasn’t allowed or able to be active, which gave me a lot of time to think. Normally thinking too much is bad for me becuase it gives me time to find (or create) flaws in whatever I’m thinking about. It started out like that this time too – I saw all the flaws with my life and myself. Like always I told myself I would change things and everything would fall into place once I could start doing stuff again. All the things I wanted to change and how I was going to do it was the main thing on my mind for the first weeks. Then I went to Berlin.
What I haven’t already mentioned is that I am one of those people who are great at making plans, but I am also really good at coming up with reasons as to why I shouldn’t do the things that I planned. I kept having these thougths in Berlin too. What I wanted to change to make things better, how I would change those things, why I shouldn’t do whatever I came up with. But for some reason I was finally able to organize my thoughts quite well while we were walking around on German ground. And I’ve started to realize that one of the main reasons as to why I don’t do things that I feel like would make my life much more enjoyable is that I am scared that the outcome won’t be as I’ve hoped. I’m extremely scared of failure, therefore I stop myself before I even get the chance to try. What’s the worst that can happen? If the answer isn’t death and as long as it isn’t illegal, then it probably isn’t a big deal and you get a new chance. I know this is such a cliché, but Nike’s “Just do it” came to mind and all I could think was “Yes! Just do it! If there’s something I want to try or do then I’m just going to do it!”. And I don’t just mean big things like travel to places, quit a job, buy a house, etc. I mean everything! One of the little things I started with was to send a text to an old friend of me. She had put out a story on Snapchat from Australia and I was curious about what she was doing there, if she had moved there or what – instead of just leaving it at that and forget about it I sendt her a message and asked her what she was doing there and all that. Long story short, now I have a coffe date with a girl who used to be one of my best friends back in 2008-2010 that I haven’t seen in 3 years. I’ve done a bunch of little things like that now.
Asked people stuff, try things I want to try, wear something that I’m not sure looks nice, go for walks when I want fresh air even though it looks like it’s going to start to rain soon, just small random things like that. You might think this all sounds really silly, but guess what – taking a lot of small steps on my way to the bigger things will make it feel a lot smaller. As a runner I’ll compare it to marathon training – you start your training with short runs, then you run longer distances, then we do some short interval sessions here ande there, all of the sudden you’re doing really long training runs, and by the end of doing all these things for weeks then you have the race, the real thing, the main race: the marathon – which doesn’t feel too hard because you’ve been training for a long time, not only doing long runs but also quick intervals. Everything you do prepares you for something bigger. You get what I’m trying to say? Anyway, I’ve been thinking about cutting my hair for a really really long time now, but I haven’t done it because I keep thinking “what if it looks ugly, what if I regret it” what if, what if. So what, it grows out again! So this Friday (the 15th) I did it. I went to the hairdresser and had 12 inches (30 cm) cut off. And I couldn’t be happier! It feels great and I love it! The more you force yourself to just do whatever you want – the more natural it becomes to just do things without overthinking everything, and before you know it you no longer worry about stupid things.
This week I also finally started running and getting back into healthy eating again. Sure, running isn’t as easy as I want it to be right now. I have to walk a lot and I don’t run as fast as I’m used to. But hey, I’ll work myself back up to where I want to be in no time! I’ve done a few run-walk-run-walks and I’ve also been walking a lot when I couldn’t run. Right now I’m really just doing as much as my body allows me to. I signed up for a virtual race that I learned about from Karen. I was thinking about going for the 5K, but I figured that I wanted to challenge myself and go for the 10K instead. So that’s what I’m going to do. It’s going to be hard for me, considering I haven’t run 10 kilometers in forever, but I don’t mind. I love a good challenge. I think this is going to be fun because I didn’t get to run Berlin half marathon this year, so this is in some ways making up for that loss. I also have more races planned for the year, new ones finally! I’m really excited for that.
Now to the healthy eating part of this post. Honestly, this was one of the things I really wanted to go deep into with this post, but we’ll see how this goes. I don’t think I’ve told you this, but December was a really bad month for me – I came back from Italy and just felt sick after the marathon and I only bothered to eat easy Christmas stuff like chocolate and anything else that is bad for me. Then I went to London with a friend – continued to eat random and unhealthy while there. Came back home, more chocolate, Christmas, more unhealthy food, New Year’s, then this whole year has been a rollercoaster with messy eating, tonsil hell, not being able to work out, and just feeling worse and worse about myself. After this long with too little activity, too much bad foods and a messy eating schedule it’s quite obvious that I’ve gained some weight. I don’t really weigh myself very often because it’s so easy to get obsessed with the numbers and forget about the important thing, which is how healthy your body is and how happy you are – seriously, I will only step on a scale when I feel great about myself and when I know 100% that the number won’t affect my mood. I already knew I had gotten bigger and I was sure I had gained weight, but I got it confirmed after I had to weigh myself before the tonsillectomy. And I was not happy about it. And what do we do when we’re not happy with something? That’s right, we change it! It’s not like I’ve all of the sudden turned into a whale or that my clothes don’t fit anymore (a couple more pounds and I’m pretty sure I’d have to go up a size tho, haha!), but my body a lot softer and less toned than I am okay with. To be brutally honest I’ve been feeling the F-word lately. Fat. Yes, I said it, I’ve been feeling FAT. I’m not saying I AM fat, I know most people wouldn’t consider me as being fat – I know I’m not even close to being overweight, what I’m saying is that I weigh more than I’m personally okay with, I’m not as toned as I’m used to, and my jeans are not comfortable to wear for longer periods of time. I’m just trying to be honest here. And this makes me think about when I first started being healthy and got into running. Back 2013 when I came back from a trip to New York I changed my lifestyle completely (you already know this if you’ve read my About Me page). I wasn’t happy with my health or my body, so I decided to change it. My main thing was to eat healthy foods and eat at the right times. It worked then, so it’ll work now. So I’m just gonna follow in my own footsteps and do whatever I did back then again now.
I never ever thought I would share these pictures on my blog, but I guess this is the right time. This was me back in 2013 when I first started my healthy lifestyle. As you see a lot changed in a short amount of time. I don’t know what I weighed in either of these pictures – I believe that using pictures to track your progress is a lot smarter than using numbers because numbers don’t let you see how you look. If it wasn’t for these two pictures I wouldn’t know how much my body had changed. This took me 45 days (that’s 1 month & 2 weeks). The first 2 weeks I was eating healthy and doing crunches, after those 2 weeks I went for my first run, which made me add running to that list. So that’s 2 weeks of healthy eating and daily crunches, and 1 month of healthy eating, daily crunches, and running whenever I could. I wasn’t fat in the first picture, but I was soft (is that word starting to make sense to you now?) – then in the 2nd picture you see my tummy is a lot more toned and my thighs are a lot slimmer. So yes, I’m currently doing what I did back when I first started, doing what I know works. You don’t just learn from your mistakes, you also learn from your own success. I will probably be writing a lot more from now on because sharing things keep me motivated and I really enjoy writing about these things.
And I just want to give you all a little advice: don’t be anything you don’t want to be.
What do you think about my new hair?
Do you hold yourself back from doing things you want?
Are you getting any spring cleaning done aswell?